MellFire

Ok here goes.

I am four days post retrieval and I still feel, pardon the pun – shitty. Or lack there of. I called the clinic this morning and they confirmed what I learned in some online articles this weekend. Sometimes this procedure, or more so the sedation can cause bowels to slow. Ugh…. I didn’t want to write about this, but this will support my case that egg donation is not easy. It’s time consuming, painful, inconvenient and it temporally upsets the lives of family, friends and co workers. This is why egg donors are compensated the way we are.

So back to the down and dirty, I haven’t been able to go number 2 in days, somehow number 2 has become my number one priority. I’ve been eating salads, using benefiber, trying to walk / some ab exercises, massaging my tummy, applying heat all to get stuff moving. Nothing works, I am still super incapacitated.In between seemingly crippling pain in my belly I am googling phrases like “constipation after retrieval” “what does it mean when I rabbit poop” “what side do you lay on to relieve constipation” and so on. Basically I am “shit” outta luck till I can get my bits to work properly.

Yesterday the long suffering BF bought me some “poop tea” a natural laxative, i drank a cup of it and waited for the magic to happen. Other than some horrible gas, nothing. I was still distended and unable to walk upright. It still felt like I was going to explode. Oh boy, happy valentines to him! this was not how we wanted to spend the day. He’s amazing, super supportive and super adorable to boot.

I decided that it might work over night, so I went to bed, hoping that the tea would help by dawn. Nope, wrong again. So now I’ve moved to the heavy guns, the laxative, some nasty pink pill that I have had sitting in my medicine cabinet for a long time. Get me a little tipsy I might tell you about that horrible experience, although when I bought that I had no clue what real constipation really was. It’s now approx six hours later and I am waiting. I’ve felt a little gurgle here, and little gassy there, all false alarms.

Don’t worry, when it finally happens I will leave out the nasty details, this post has at least been funny and somewhat informative.

To top all of this off, I am going through a set of pajamas a night and a set of sheets, hot flashes (night sweats) started on Wednesday. Wednesday was the first full day I went without the hormones, they have gotten worse as the days have progressed. This unlike the constipation is usual for me and the egg donation process. It usually takes me two weeks of soaking the bed with sweat until I am back to normal. The difference is this time, the BF is here full time, trying not to drown or cook because of this overheated ball of hormones. Again he is wonderful, helps change the sheets, washes the laundry and brings me glasses of cold water to rehydrate myself. I don’t know what I’d do with out him.

He woke up at 7, so he could get ready for work (not all gov’t employees have the day off, like I do) as soon as he got up I moved to his side, his non-sweaty side of the bed. He returned to kiss me goodbye an hour or so later and i had created a perfectly mel shaped wet spot in the bed. I soaked the fitted sheet, the top sheet and the light blanket on top. I am a sweaty mess, he gave me a kiss and told me to rest up. Oh and had me drink some more water. He was off to work.

I took the sheets off the bed tossed on some new pjs and snuggled in with a blanket on the bare mattress, to my surprise I soaked the mattress pad too. An hour later I woke up and had sweat through the pjs. At least the mattress was ok. Nothing feels better than a hot shower after you’ve sweat out 1/2 your body’s water. Oh wait, going number two might feel better!

I didn’t think to get a pic of the spot, but this is my generally tidy and relaxing bed all rumpled up, until I get the cover and blanket out of the dryer.

a Side note, that seems funny now but not at the time…. the first time I experienced these night sweats I thought I was peeing the bed. It didn’t smell like pee, but it covered me from the waist down nightly after the first retrieval. I went to Rite aid and bought some incontinence briefs and wore one to bed. It was dry the day morning but the rest of me was soaked. that was a relief but I wasn’t happy about the night sweats.

Thanks for reading….

“…you reap but by the seeds that you plant” Robert Louis Stevenson

Yesterday, Thursday was the day. The day I had my egg retrieval. I would have written sooner, had I not been completely wrecked.

My day started at 6:50am…. It should have started an hour earlier, with a shower running a brush through my hair and breakfast for the BF, but I never switched my alarm on, we woke up to the BF’s alarm. A few moments later a phone call from the FM saying he was at my place. We are awake and in a panic, trying to dress and gather stuff together for the procedure.

The three of us are in the car and on our way a little after 7, late but not too late. I sat in the front with the BF and the FM was in the back seat, I wasn’t quite awake so I wasn’t as chatty as I normally am on these car rides to the clinic. My appointment was scheduled for 8am. We arrived at 8:11, not too bad for waking up super late. I was ushered in quickly, with the FM, the BF stayed in the waiting area with his iPod touch and his freshly brewed tea. I walked into the retrieval section of the clinic with a nurse and the FM, the nurse told me to change into a gown, hair net and some non-slip socks (I was able to keep my bra on). The nurse had the FM put on a yellow gown, booties over his HUGE boots and a hair net. It was the most amusing site, like a deranged lunch lady. A lunch lady with fierce side burns.

I moved into a retrieval room and sat in the medical chair, it has stirrups attached and it reclines with the push of a button. I was prepped for the procedure, my IV was started and I was fitted with a blood pressure cuff and a heart monitor. A heated blankie was plopped over my lap, and the nurse tucked me in. It was nice. A slew of nurses, techs, embryologists, and doctors came in, verified my name, birth date, health history, donor number, etc… Each time a new person came in they were surprised by the camera. Everyone did a great job, on and off camera.

There was another patient, going through the same procedure in another room, her procedure had taken a little longer than had originally been anticipated. So mine was pushed back a bit, the FM and I were left in the procedure room for a while. I can’t wait to see that footage. I took over the camera for a few moments so I could catch the FM in his crazed lunch lady gear. I hope he puts some of those out as stills. We joked about how moments like this would be great if we had a behind the scenes crew to film, or take pictures of us. It was nice to have someone to chat with while I waited.

The head nurse wanted to know if the FM wanted to film the procedure. We did but the FM had some concerns, he didn’t want to be in the room. Even if the camera didn’t catch a cooch shot, he didn’t want to see one. We did a filming “dry run” my chair was reclined and I was put into the stirrups with my bits covered of course so the FM could frame the shot. This was rather amusing.

Meeting the doctor was great, he was really interested in me, why I was doing this and why we were having this filmed. He was hoping that this would end up on Oprah. The clinic really wanted the procedure to be filmed, so it was decided that the camera would be set up on the tripod for a fixed shot on the ultrasound monitor. The doctor wanted to teach the staff how to use the camera, so they could zoom in for the FM. The FM didn’t like that idea, he wasn’t afraid of the staff touching the camera, but that the staff would accidentally get a shot of my strawberry patch. As soon as the anesthesiologist knocked me out the FM ran off, and the next ten minutes or so was a blur.

I don’t really recall waking up, I just remember the FM telling me that one of the nurses came out of the procedure room holding the camera and tripod (camera still filming, they were afraid that it would run out of film. The FM is hoping the staff covered me up before they moved the camera. I hung out for a little while, the staff wanted to make sure that I was stable and that I could leave. I had a very successful retrieval, 18 high quality eggs.

I was set up with some baby aspirin, a antibiotic and an additional shot (to prevent blood clots). I kept the non skid socks too. No idea why, I might be a hoarder. They don’t reuse them, and I didn’t want to toss them.

I got to leave with the BF and the FM, we went and had bagels. I think that the BF wanted to eat some greasy food, but I was specifically told no greasy food, clear liquids, maybe a bagel or so. I like the bagel and the cranberry juice. I was starving at this point. I was feeling no pain, we drove home.

When we arrived home the FM wanted to take some shots of me on the couch. I was under a blanket in no time. We chatted on camera for a few minutes, then I slept for hours. I felt bloated and sore at this point, I felt like I was kicked in the ovaries by a large man in steel toe boots. I couldn’t sit, I couldn’t get up my stairs and I couldn’t get off the toilet. Thank goodness for the BF. Thank goodness the FM wasn’t around for that. We can leave certain things to the imagination. I won’t leave my bloated belly to the imagination. I’ve posted a picture of it. (my tummy is not this gross normally)

I feel asleep around 9ish and woke up at midnight with hot sweats. Great, the pseudo-menopause has begun. I spent the next couple hours tossing, turning, sweating and crawling to the bathroom. I made the poor BF crazy. My sheets were soaked, I could have sworn I had totally peed the bed! I didn’t pee, I am sure of it, it was sweat (anyone want to sleep over).

To the poor BF’s dismay I needed spotter in the shower, I still couldn’t stand up completely. Generally if I ask for a spotter, he doesn’t mind, but there is no vagina-business for at least a week (I thought it was two weeks).

I got dressed, the BF made me some breakfast and I made an attempt at working. I drove to the office, needed help getting out of my car, and could not get up my office stairs, so I took the elevator. I sat down at my desk and immediately started to tear up, it hurt to sit. I mean really hurt to sit, like my insides were going to fall out.

I lasted at work for less than an hour, I moved some appointments around and waddled out. I spent the next few hours on the couch, I gradually started to walk around the house, I made myself some lunch (hunched over). The highlight of my day was the vast amount of old movies I watched on netflix, and sorry folks, the immense amount of gas I was passing. I learned that the puffy belly, is a combination of fluid and gas. My poor BF. He is lucky he spent the day at work, away from my funky ass.

There is SO much I am leaving out. I’ll toss a few of those stories in over the course of the next few days. Time for some meds, my heating pad and another old movie. Oh and some ice cream, the BF brought me some Ben & Jerry’s. Yummy.

Oh yeah a little celine dion to get me in the baby making mood, or not. I’m actually trying to enjoy a quiet night at home with some fleece pajamas, an anne of green gables dvd, the FLU and a film maker. Most of those are pretty nifty on their own, minus the flu of course.

I stayed home from practice, which sucks on multiple levels, I wanted to skate, I need the exercise, the BF went with out me, and the FM was hoping to get some shots of me in my gear administering the last shot. Oh well, my body had to go and allow itself to get sick.

So the FM came to me, can’t wait to see the sweet shots of me w/o makeup chillin in my hello kitty fleece pjs. If I look as bad as I felt, this documentary can double as a horror flick.

I took my last shot at 8:30pm tonight, this shot should prepare the follicles, turn them into mature eggs. I should be ripe for the picking in less than 36 hours.

This shot was much easier than the others. Prefilled syringe, no muss no fuss. Not as much fun for the FM though.

After the shot, the FM and I did a little recap of the past few weeks, what the clinic was like, what my motivation was, how i’ve been feeling, and so on. It’s kinda hard to gather my feelings all together since I’m not quite done yet, almost.

I’m writing from bed, exhausted, sore and really sick. My tummy is distended and feels like its super full of eggs, I can not wait to get them out of there. I think this cold/flu is kicking my ass worse than the egg stuff ever could.

Ugh, this headache is the worst. Not sure what is causing it. I hope it goes away quickly so I can fall asleep.

Had a fun filled weekend, did not get a chance to write about Friday’s visit. So here goes.

Another early morning appointment, the FM and I arrived to a room full of people. We were chatting and looking at pictures on my iPod. I think that we might have been irritating the other people in the waiting area. Our mood was a little too chipper for some people. I sometimes forget that most of the people here are not here because they want to be, but because they are having trouble conceiving.

My favorite nurse wasn’t in, so we had a set of different people. The nurse that took my blood pressure and drew some blood was freaked out by the camera, she asked the FM “how she did” when they left the room for me to change. The nurse that came in to do the ultrasound walked the FM and I though all the steps involving measuring the follicles, as well as the lining of my uterus. I think at least 18 eggs were measured as well as many smaller eggs that they did not bother to count/measure at that visit. These ranged in size between 8mm and 19mm. They need to be at least 19-20mm for the follicles to be considered mature. I was told to continue both shots and that they’d like to see me on Monday morning.

I went out of town on Saturday, stayed with my boyfriend’s family. I had to bring my shots, and sharps container. This was awkward. I didn’t want them to know that I was doing the IVF thing (maybe we’ll talk it over when I’m done). At the end of a very long and very fun evening I had to give myself my injections. I forgot to pack the alcohol swabs, so I had to use purell to clean my skin and the top of the medication containers. I hope that was ok!

Yesterday was a scrimmage (roller derby), my first scrimmage. I was super sore before I even set foot out on the track. I did I ok, but oh the pictures are rough, my lower belly is SO distended. I look like a pregnant derby girl. It doesn’t help that I had back pain and was walking/skating like I had a bun in the oven. I was so exhausted that I almost forgot to give myself the injections last night, thank goodness I keep all the stuff next to my bed.

Monday (today): Up at 4:15am, so I can make my 6:30 am appointment. It’s freezing cold, windy and my car refuses to start with the remote. What a start to the day. The FM and I meet up at the thruway entrance and we ride out to the clinic, we get there on time and we pretty much get in as soon as we sit down. This is a good sign, I should get to work on time.

I get my blood drawn, so blood pressure this time. Then it’s time to get into the stirrups. My belly is SO swollen with eggs that I am squirming and wincing each time the nurse moves that probe around. My right ovary is full of eggs but they aren’t as big as they should be. The left is full of HUGE eggs, they are good to go. I learned that the eggs (follicles) can develop at different rates because of the way estrogen is absorbed into the body. I was told that Wednesday should be a good day for the retrieval. Yippy. They don’t want to wait too long for the right sided follicles to grow, if the left side is allowed to mature too much my body will cause them to ovulate! We don’t want that, they need to be retrieved while they are in the ovaries. I was given my last shot (prefilled syringe) to be taken tonight at 8:30pm.

This is good news, I will be done with this before I know it. I’ve been cranky and sore the past few days. I really haven’t noticed too much of a difference up until this point. I am sure that my BF has, poor guy.

We are on track to have the retrieval at 8am on Wednesday, the BF the FM and I riding out to the clinic together.

My cell phone rings around 11 this morning. I guess we are going to shoot for Thursday, one extra day to mature ALL the eggs. I hope I don’t get more uncomfortable, I am not sure how much more of this tummy pressure I can take. Tomorrow night (practice) will be interesting. I have to have my last shot at 8:30pm tomorrow while I am at practice. Ugh…. Hopefully that won’t be an issue.

One extra day, a little more than 2 days to go. Wish me luck.

So it’s Thursday and I have another appointment in the morning. I am getting really excited that this is going so well. This might be the quickest cycle yet. If I keep up the good work and CNY keeps loving redheads I can do this egg thing a few more times before my eggs are deemed too old. 32 is deemed too old in IVF years I guess.

Wednesday was a quick appointment, blood pressure, blood work and into the stirrups. This time the nurse was able to count the developing eggs. There were a ton of them, a woman’s body normally matures one egg per menstrual cycle, in my case at least 12 were counted. I will work on a screen shot of the images when I am at my appointment in the morning.

Here is a picture that I took at Wednesday’s. Sorry this one is so brief. I’ll have company at tomorrow’s visit, so it ought to be more fun.

It took me a few days to figure out how to approach this blog regarding Thursday’s appointment with the Fertility Clinic. I’ve been thinking about whether I should be keeping this blog light and fun, or if it should be more informative. I’m going to try to stick to a combination of both. This post might be kinda gross actually, so I’m apologizing now.

I had my appointment on an really chilly morning, I woke up way to early. 4:30am is just too damn early in the morning to function. I rode out to my appointment with the FM (film maker). I was drained and sleepy so I was not my usual chatty self. It was really nice that he was keeping my entertained. He told me about some of the unusual stories in his life. I think he should have a little documentary written about his adventures. We arrived a little early, and we were called right into the exam room. I had my usual appointment at first, blood pressure, then blood drawn. Then I was told to assume the position, the FM ran out, I got nakie from the waist down, hopped up on the exam table and did my best to cover myself with the paper drape (ugh, they are so flimsy). Then the fun begins, my cyst had continued to grow, it was nearly 36mm when they took at peep at it with the ultrasound. It was decided immediately that it needed to be drained. This is a quick, minimally invasive procedure. But it’s super uncomfortable. I am not quite sure what hurts more, that needle for the “aspiration” or having my IUD inserted. As an aside, that was the most uncomfortable procedure I’ve had to date, once that is taken out, it’s not going back in.

A tray was brought in with all the supplies, and the “rock star” doctor came in for the procedure. My favorite nurse stayed to assist him. He chatted it up with the FM while he was working under the hood, so to speak. I was “cleaned” with some huge cotton swabs, to protect against infection. Believe it or not, the vagina is a warm, dark moist place, exactly the condition that funky stuff enjoys hanging out in. Just because the vagina has some “good” bacteria, doesn’t mean that it should be introduced inside the body. After the cleaning, I get numbed a little, I’d hate to know how much it would hurt had I not been numb. Then the doc dims the lights, turns on some relaxing music, then gets into it. He used a very long needle/syringe that is guided by the vaginal ultrasound. He maneuvers my bits by looking at the screen. When he is ready to pierce the cervix he has me cough, this allows the needle to pierce the cervix, or vaginal wall, then the cyst on the ovary. They drained at least 25ml of yellow fluid, about half a “urine sample type” cup. The FM got some lovely shots of that, can’t wait to see those. I wanted to take some photos, but I was too “drained” after the procedure to remember I had my camera with me. Normal benign cyst fluid is usually yellow, green or gray and does not need to be analyzed in a laboratory. I think the clinic takes a peek at it anyway. My favorite nurse told me that the fluid is basically pee (urine), it’s full of protein that collected in the cyst. GROSS. Oh well, its gone now.

The procedure was quick, pain free for the most part and the FM got a chance to chat with the doctor. He’s going to try to get some shots of the labs and rooms where the samples are stored. But they have some work to do, to stay in compliance with HIPAA, this clinic is amazing, totally above board and they go above and beyond when it comes to privacy and the safety of its clients & donors.

After the procedure I was cleared to start the next part of the process, the second shot. I am not taking the Lupron (less) and Gonal-F to stimulate the ovaries. This is what gets my baby maker started. Now I’ve got two shots at night, ouch. I have bruises on my tummy, I could try using my thigh from now on.

Sorry this post took SO long, it’s been a fun (long week). I will update later on with the not so exciting details of today’s visit. But I have a picture of the ultrasound machine. Oh boy.

I had my first solo appointment this week. I went in to get the oil checked, to get my tires rotated. You know the usual stuff. The clinic staff is used to my entourage. They were surprised to see me alone. It was rather boring, but I was a little less uncomfortable during the probing.

I had my blood work done, only one vial this time. I had my time in the stirrups and the nurse found that the cyst I had last time had gotten bigger. I have a 29mm cyst on my right ovary. The left ovary is perfect (or so I’ve been told). The cyst was 24mm. The clinic was hoping the the Lupron injections coupled with my most recent period (spotting) would have shrunk it.

I keep forgetting to mention my favorite part of the exam (if there is a favorite part). The nurse coats the probe in ultrasound jelly, puts a condom on it, adds more jelly then says, this is going to be a little goopy. Each nurse I’ve seen says it, it makes me giggle for some reason. They are right it’s goopy, it’s also cold.

The nurse told me to continue with my Lupron and come back in a week for another check up. I was warned that the coordinator might call me and ask me to come in and have the cyst aspirated.

A few hours later I did get a call from the clinic saying that they do not want to let the cyst go for much longer, I’ve been asked to have a procedure on Wednesday to remove the fluid in the cyst. Once the fluid is removed I can start the next phase of the IVF treatments. This link will provide some information about the procedure.

At the next appointment I’m going to try to get some photos to post. I’m sure they will be super amusing.

After a long and intense weekend of birthday celebrations I find myself ready for my Lupron injection and a good nights sleep. Friday morning I went to my appointment at the fertility clinic with my boyfriend and my film maker. The film maker met us at the appointment, we were sure that he did not want to spend the day with us shopping, skating and running around with my favorite derby gal. We should have invited him, my favorite derby gal is single and so is he! OK no match making. My boyfriend hung out in the waiting room during the appointment with his coffee and his iPod. They have a Senseo Coffee maker, fire place, free wifi and the softest leather couches in the waiting room.

I filled out all the legal paperwork at this appointment, and my boyfriend (bf) and the film maker (fm) had a chance to get to know each other. I think my bf is confused and kinda annoyed at times with the filming and what not. I’m doing my best to keep him out of it.

Before I describe the appointment itself I want to say how impressed I was with the nurse that has been handling my appointments. She’s sweet, intelligent, and has a nifty wrist tattoo (black nail polish and leopard clogs). I love that!

Now the important stuff, I had to pee in a cup, that is so messy. I hate doing it and I am sure the lab technicians don’t like to handle it. I get paranoid and I clean the cup with Lysol (from my purse), I had my blood pressure taken and some blood work done. The fm was sure to get some intense close ups of my super hairy arms! oh well, there are worse parts he could have taken some close ups of. I had a vaginal ultra sound this time, this is very interesting to do with a somewhat stranger in the room, I was surprised how calm I was. I am still very self conscious of the camera but the fm doesn’t freak me out too much.

The nurse gave me a paper drape for my lap, and said you know the drill, naked from the waist down. The fm looked a little nervous and made a run for the door. I told him I’d call for him when I was ready, it wouldn’t take long as I am a super quick undresser. I tossed off my pants and undies at a super fast rate of speed and hopped up on the table and covered myself with the drape. I called to the fm a couple of times, he didn’t hear me so I hopped off the table, scooted to the door, opened it up and asked him to come in. I had to waddle backwards, to keep my rear from showing. The fm interviewed me a bit while we waited for the egg coordinator to come in, she’s pretty awesome too. As she came in she totally dimmed the lights, the mood lighting is supposed to relax me and make the image on the ultra sound machine appear clearer. I think of it as mood lighting, because she is probing my lady bits. She had me lay back, she guided my feet into the stirrups and warned me that the “probe” will be a little gooey. That is an understatement.

The fm turned on the camera and the fun began. The egg coordinator was poking around and pointing out all the lady bits on the screen for the fm. This is her right ovary, this is a cyst, this is the lining of her uterus, etc. My left ovary always hides, so I feel a deep pressure as the probe gets wiggled around searching for it. She takes screen shots and uploads them to my digital chart, very awesome. I like that they are paperless (for the most part). I get a combination of good and bad news, I have a cyst on my right ovary again. This has happened with each of the previous cycles. They do not go away on their own so they often need to be drained. We will wait until the night appointment to find out if that is going to be necessary. The lining of my uterus is also thick, it wants to make a baby. I will most likely get that third period I have been hoping to avoid. One more period and I should be good to go. The good news is, everything seems to be in working order. My lady bits are still first rate, high quality even. When the camera was on the screen I was fine, when the camera was focused on my face while I was being probed I think I blushed a few times. This is a super intimate moment to be experiencing with a third party in the room.

I have to continue my nightly shots and I have another appointment set up for Friday morning. It will have to be super early as I have a VERY long work day ahead of me. More to come. I think I will be editing this tomorrow. I wanted to write this and get it posted but I am too sleepy to proof read.